counting the moments of pain
one ,two ,three
has he left yet
four, five,six
why  does he have to yell  so  much
seven,eight, nine
screaming the same thing over and over
ten, eleven, twelve
counting is starting to  not work
thirteen, fourteen , fifteen
the yelling is drilling through my head
making the numbers stop
where am i  sixteen  right ?
i dont know..
it  hasnt been this bad in  a long time
a moment to  pause
seventeen,  eighteen, nineteen
hes up in my  face now
twenty....
i  cant remember where i  am  
my  counting isnt working anymore
almost got to  twenty  and nothing has calmed down
if anything its getting worse
now its getting inside my  mind
now i know im  the problem  here
hes telling me how it is
all i  care about is me
thats why im crying
not for him not for anyone else
all for me
"oh  poor  you  its all  about  you"
i never got this before
i never thought i  mattered that  much
he would yell and i would cry
lets try  to  count again
now where was i
twenty-one, twenty-two , twenty-three
screaming to stop  crying now
doesnt he see it doesnt work that  way?
its been almost a year since i  cut
twenty-four. twenty-five, twenty-six
starting to  want it again
but i know i  cant .
it would dissapoint the ones i love
count louder
twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine
he gives up  yelling to leave me alone
thirty
now i  can  go  through the basic motions
breath ,eat, sleep
living but never really  alive